I recently attempted to do some research online on how to get your boyfriend back. I searched through a few sites and though they touched on some logical points, every one of them was trying to sell me something. When a girl loses her guy she’s going to be a bit of a mess and tempting her with a “solve everything” mystery eBook (for only $49.99) is less than helpful. I remember I was desperate for advice, I even considered digging out the credit card a few times. Now that I have managed to solve it all on my own however, I thought I’d share a few tips for girls who might be going through a similar situation. I’m not a therapist or psychology major but I have been there, so hopefully that might add some weight to my words.
A lot of the sites I read said to act like you don’t care at all anymore by not calling him back, finding other guys to hang out with, stuff like that. Perhaps this would work but it just seemed to me that if you ended up getting back together because you acted falsely and mislead him, it would be a bad base from which to rebuild your relationship. My motto is it’s always better to be honest and deal with the consequences rather than to lie and have to deal with the consequences. I find by being honest, most things usually work out. I’m not at all guaranteeing my method will work for everyone, but it worked for me so I figured it might at least be worth sharing.
By the time you’re reading this post you’ve probably said and done some things you’re not proud of. In moments of weakness we all do things we know we shouldn’t, like calling him 50 times an hour, begging him to come back, declaring your love on some grand embarrassing scale, etc. Realize what’s done is done, move on and just focus on making a better impression in the future.
Every situation is different and it’s important to have a clear understanding of your own. Take a long look at the relationship that just ended and ask yourself : Why did it end? Was it good enough when it was good? How long has it been since the relationship was good? Why do I want him back? Be honest with yourself about everything and if the answers to those questions leave you at; you just want him back because you want him back, consider letting him go instead. If you conclude however that you genuinely care, realize losing him will be the worst mistake of your life and would do anything to get him back, then there’s hope.
It’s important to know that perfect relationships don’t end, likely because they don’t actually exist, but my point is you broke up for a reason. You may not be too clear on what that reason is, but I’m sure you can think of a few points you personally could have improved upon. If you actually can’t think of anything you could have done better, either your not being honest with yourself or your guy has found someone else. If you can think of some things you should have worked on while you were together, make a list and start working on them now! I know it’s hard because you’re desperately sad and feel like staying in bed all day but if you’re committed to your mission to win back his heart, get yourself up and at it! If it is that your guy has fallen for someone new, again asses the situation and decide if you actually do want him back for the right reasons. If you’re just jealous, save everyone a lot of heartache and get over it. If you just didn’t realize how you really felt until you were faced with losing him, then you’ve got to find out how he feels about you now. Check out our earlier post on how to tell if he likes you because though the situation is different, the main points to look for remain the same!
How To Act
If you’re pretty sure he still cares about you and you still hang out, as hard as it may be, do your best to keep it together around him. Don’t be an emotionless robot, but don’t be a crying wreck every time you see him either. Find a balance between the two that shows you for just what you are, a strong girl who is going through the hardest thing she’s ever had to go through but is managing to hold her head up, even if there are tears in her eyes. That way he will be aware that you’re hurting, but he’ll also see how strong you’re being. Let him know that you understand the situation and support him if he has to figure things out, but make it clear that you want to be together and are working on yourself to make that possible. Be clear that your heart is not equipped with a revolving door and that there are some things that can’t be forgiven or overlooked. (Like dating someone else, kissing someone else, sleeping with someone else, etc.) Everyone’s limits of what mistakes they’ll accept are different, so be aware of your own and make them clear to both him and yourself.
Talk About It
If you’re working on keeping it together around him, you’re going to need an outlet for all that sad. Plus talking about things really can help! Call your mom, dad, best friend, cousin, Facebook friend from China, whoever will listen. It’s one of those situations where the wider the variety of info you’ve got to work with, the better. Lucky for you almost everyone has an opinion on breakups. It might not be somewhere in this post, but at some point someone is going to spit out a little gem of advice that will make a world of difference for you. Make sure you pay attention so you don’t miss it!
Set A Sad Deadline
Give yourself a deadline. Decide how long you think your all consuming depression over your breakup should last and when the time is up, commit to yourself that you will shift your focus from getting him back to just feeling happy again. My deadline was 2 months, yours could be longer or shorter. Let him know about the deadline and that when the time is up you may need some space from him in order to get over him completely. Don’t bluff, mean it. No one is worth waiting indefinitely for so start thinking highly enough of yourself to realize that eventually you will get over this, no matter how bad it is, and that you’re worth being happy for.
If you’re at your deadline, check out this post on how to survive a breakup to start finally getting yourself over him. Otherwise just be patient, be strong and be honest and hopefully your story will have a happy ending!
Have any questions or comments? Want to share your story or some advice? We’d love to hear from you so leave us a comment below!